{Excerpt from Cyber's Love Illusions; the Healing Chapter}

The Healing Process

When I first discovered that I had been scammed out of my life savings, the first emotion I felt was total shock and disbelief. This can't be happening to me; this isn't real. Oh my God, what am I going to do?!?!?! Not only was I scammed out of my money, I was also emotionally scammed. I suddenly felt as if a death had occurred and in a sense, it had. The death of all the happy dreams I had held about a future with someone I had met online and believed to be a wonderful man. In one shocking moment of breath, all of it had disappeared. I found myself sinking into a deep depression over this experience. I was in the process of grieving.

The stages of grieving are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life but not everyone experiences them all or in the same order. In truth, the process of grief is not a cut and dried process that can be subdivided into strict categories. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own terminal illness or to the death of a valued being, human or animal or the sudden, unexpected ending of something that we highly valued. There are general stages of normal grief and dividing the grief process in to these "stages" helps the grief stricken person to understand that their experiences and emotions are perfectly normal.

Well meaning family and friends may not realize or understand what has just happened to you or the intensity of your grief. Comments they make may seem cruel and uncaring. Be honest with yourself and others about how you feel. Family and friends should be reassured that sorrow and grief are normal, natural responses to discovering you’ve been scammed. If despair mounts, talk to someone who will listen to you without judgment or criticism. It's ok to talk about your sorrow, but try not to linger in that dark place for too long. Remind yourself, if only for a few brief moments during the day in the early stages of grief, of all the blessings you do have. It helps your mind to prioritize the sever-ness of what you've gone through. When I found myself on the verge of panic, I told myself repeatedly that I still had my home, my job, my children, my health, my car, my friends & family and yes, even my cat! I truly am blessed.

There are certain stages of grief:

1. Shock – Immediately following the news that you have been scammed, it is difficult to accept the loss. A feeling of unreality occurs. During those first days there is a feeling of being-out-of-touch.
2. Emotional Release – the awareness of just how dreadful the loss is accompanied by intense pangs of grief. In this stage a grieving individuals may sleep badly and weep uncontrollably.
3. Panic - For some time a grieving person can feel in the grip of mental instability. They can find themselves wandering around aimlessly, forgetting things, and not being able to finish what they started. Physical symptoms also can appear -- tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest, an empty feeling in the stomach, tiredness and fatigue, headaches, migraine headaches, gastric and bowel upsets.
4. Guilt – At this stage an individual can begin to feel guilty about failures to recognize the signs that they were being scammed; guilt over what happened or what didn't happen.
5. Hostility – Some individuals feel anger at their scammer and maybe anger at God. How could another human being have done this to us? How could God have allowed this to happen to me?
6. Inability to Resume Business-as-Usual Activities - the ability to concentrate on day-to-day activities may be severely limited. It is important to know and recognize that this is a normal phenomenon. A grieving person's entire being – emotional, physical and spiritual, is focused on the loss that just occurred. Grief is a 100% experience. No one does it at 50%.
7. Reconciliation of Grief – balance in life returns little by little, much like healing from a severe physical wound. There are no set time frames for healing. Each individual is different.
8. Hope - the sharp, ever present pain of grief will lessen and hope for a continued, yet different life emerges. Plans are made for the future and the individual is able to move forward in life with good feelings.